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Tact: Missing in Action?

Friday, August 08, 2008  by Susan Julien-Willson
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Something hit me while I was catching up on email correspondence yesterday evening. Email and SmartPhones have made an impact on communication style. Favorable in the areas of speed and ease, not so favorable in the areas of tact and diplomacy. And PLEASE don't think I am just pointing fingers at others -- we, including myself, need to think about the recipients of our short, curt inquiries or replies -- how will they grasp our message? Will it make them feel understood? acknowledged? respected? Will they be able to understand the message clearly, even if it is concise?

Extreme brevity can be read as annoyance or anger by a message recipient, rather than what the truth of the matter may be. You might have keyed a message while being in a hurry or during a meeting or (gasp!) in the car.

Tact belongs in more communications than just electronic vehicles. Being direct or straightforward face to face or in written form does not excuse anyone from being tactful.

Think about your professional and personal life. When have you felt you could have used more tact?

When you disagree?
When you feel pressured?
When someone is extremely upset?
When you want to express anger?
When you feel impatient?

Here are some good phrases I've jotted down in the past and not used often enough. Use 'em when you find yourself in situations where you need to relax, breathe deeply, take your time to speak/write tactfully -- whether you're emailing or speaking face to face with a family member, friend, co-worker, or customer.

While I don't agree with your conclusion, you certainly have the right to your opinion.

I don't feel totally comfortable {with that} {talking about that} ...

Don't you think it would be a good idea to hold off until ... ?

Perhaps I misunderstood. Are you saying that ....?

Let me see if I understand this. Would I be correct in assuming that you feel ...?

I understand you have a problem with my decision, but I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect.

According to Webster's New World dictionary, tact is the ability to avoid giving offense: skill in situations in which other people's feelings have to be considered. Discretion: an intuitive sense of what's right or appropriate.

So, if tact is missing in the act of communicating, let's find it.

No matter how much of a hurry we're in!


Comments

# Dwight Spaulding said on August 8, 2008 12:36 PM:

I agree with you. It seems like everyone is quick to anger and has lost the art of tactfull communications. Just yesterday my 20 year old daughter stopped by the house and we got talking about something. She said that I would probably hate her for what she was going to say about something we were talking about. After she said what she wanted to say, I told her that I didn't hate her for what she said, that I would always love her; but I disagreed with what she had said, but understood how she could be confused with the things life throws at you. The rest of the discussion went fine. I could have blown up and got confrontational with her, but knew that would not help her and would only make things worse. Being compassionate was more important than being right.

# Ciao Bella said on August 10, 2008 1:02 PM:

Susan, I personally believe any situation needs to be handled live, in person or over the phone. Email and texts etc are for quick, fun info, comments etc but not real situations or issues to deal with. Connecting and personal touch are key.

# Ros said on August 11, 2008 6:27 PM:

How true. And might I add, very tactfully said.

- Ros

 

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About Susan Julien-Willson

I enjoy attending writing/marketing/advertising seminars and conferences for the inspiration and motivation they provide and I also love participating in a monthly writing group and a book club. On weekends, I am frequently found in the poetry/fiction/business/music sections of Schuler Books, my fave local bookstore, or reading magazines and sipping coffee in their café. You can also look for me on weekends at my family cottage in the summer or movie theaters or the mall in the winter. Evenings and weekends, you might spot me out walking when the weather is warm and sunny, or at the Alticor fitness center a few times a week. I love clothes and jewelry as an expression of my personal style. Because I tend to spend most of my time working, working out, or writing poetry, I don?t do the extent of volunteer work I?d like to, but I have a long list of favorite charities I support, including Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, Easter Seals, American Cancer Society, Hospice of Michigan, Gilda's Club, and Habitat for Humanity.

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  • This blog is written by Susan Julien-Willson, Copy Director of Communications for Amway Global.
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